Chapter 33: Heh Heh Heh, Mr. Voldemort...
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If only every system in the world came with an instruction manual...
Just as Harry and Ron were congratulating themselves on the fact that both trolls had been knocked unconscious, Professor McGonagall hurried into the bathroom.
Snape followed behind her, and Quirrell came last. Quirrell seemed rather surprised to see Cohen there. His eyes widened, as though the idea of Cohen saving someone were about as absurd as a troll dancing ballet.
Still, the consummate drama queen pretended to be terrified. After letting out a feeble whimper, he collapsed onto a toilet and clutched his chest tightly.
Snape bent down to examine the trolls, then cast Cohen a strange look—perhaps because the two trolls had somehow survived an encounter with him.
“What in the world were you thinking?” The concern in Professor McGonagall’s eyes turned into icy anger. “You were extraordinarily lucky not to be killed. Why weren’t you safely in your dormitory?”
Harry and Ron had no idea how to explain themselves. Cohen was just about to speak when Hermione cut in first—
“Professor McGonagall... They came looking for me.”
“Miss Granger!”
Hermione struggled to her feet from the corner.
“It... it was me who went looking for the troll... because I—you know, I’d read about them in books, and I know a great deal about them...”
Cohen gained a new understanding of the world’s ability to correct itself. Hermione’s speech was almost exactly the same as it had been in the book, even with Cohen inserted into the story.
Still, it hardly mattered. The troll was down, and Cohen’s attention had already returned to the diadem in the Room of Requirement.
The last time he had examined it, the soul inside Ravenclaw’s diadem had possessed only twenty points of soul strength. Cohen had now reached twenty through the spiders’ selfless contributions.
He could devour this fragment of Voldemort.
“If they hadn’t found me, I’d certainly be dead by now...”
Hermione took the blame for breaking the school rules upon herself.
Harry and Ron displayed a moment of surprise at this, then desperately tried to look as though they had always known the story would unfold that way.
Professor McGonagall awarded each of the three boys five points and deducted five from Hermione. The Gryffindors once again had some capital with which to do mischief.
Hermione ran off first. Cohen, Harry, and Ron, meanwhile, ambled toward the common room without much urgency.
“Cohen should have won more than fifteen points,” Ron grumbled. “I’ve never even heard of the spells you used—”
“Then you ought to look for the reason in yourself,” Cohen replied with a shrug. “They’re all in books.”
Just not in Standard Spells, Beginner Level...
“Only ten points, plus the points deducted from Hermione,” Harry reminded him. “But what Hermione said really did get us out of trouble. Professor McGonagall likes Hermione best.”
“Am I even a person?” Cohen complained. “I’ve been building up my reputation with Professor McGonagall too...”
“But you’re always taking leave,” Ron said. “Professor McGonagall never looks very pleased when she takes attendance.”
It was only Quirrell’s fault that his absences always coincided with Transfiguration. There was a lot of Dark Magic to learn, and weekends alone were nowhere near enough.
When they returned to the common room, Hermione was standing by the entrance. She thanked the three of them, then hurried away.
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Cohen wolfed down his meal and slipped out of the common room. Everyone was watching the Weasley twins’ fireworks display, and no one noticed him leave.
It was hard to blame Cohen for being in such a hurry.
It was like playing a game with a level-restricted reward chest that could only be opened at level twenty. After finally grinding your way to level twenty, you were at last able to open it—
Only for your mother to come along and say, “Go to bed. You can play again tomorrow.”
Any normal person would agree, then wait until their mother had left before secretly taking out their phone under the covers and checking the game to see what worthless rubbish the chest contained.
The moment he entered the Room of Requirement, Cohen saw the Earl getting intimately affectionate with Hedwig. The two owls were rubbing against each other in the Earl’s little nest.
“Please, spare me the memory of something disgusting that happened only moments ago.”
Cohen had been reminded of the two trolls mating. Seeing the Earl and Hedwig clinging to each other now...
To be honest, the resemblance was a little too strong.
“You entered without knocking!” the Earl cried in alarm.
“This is my room!” Cohen snapped. “And you don’t need to look at me as though I’ve taken advantage of you. It’s not as if I haven’t seen it before. Your testicles aren’t even as big as my finger!”
“Evil little perverted bachelor...”
The Earl flapped his wings and took off, carrying Hedwig out through the window.
Cohen had long since become immune to the Earl’s petty complaints.
He took the old diadem down from the cabinet. Its jewel still glittered brilliantly in the firelight, but under the evil influence of the Horcrux, the main structure had already begun to fade and blacken.
“Stop hiding. I can see you, little Mr. Voldemort.”
Cohen tilted his head toward the tiny soul inside the diadem.
Why did he suddenly feel like a villain?
The sight of the soul trembling deep within the jewel stirred a trace of guilt in Cohen. Unfortunately, no matter how weak and harmless it pretended to be, its fate would not change.
Just as Cohen was about to suck the soul out of the Horcrux, the fragment of Voldemort seemed to realize that pretending to be pitiful would not persuade the terrifying creature before it to let it go.
The pitch-black soul surged forth like a tide, condensing into a hideous humanoid form.
It would stake everything on one final attack. If only it could catch Cohen off guard—
“Burp.”
A sudden feeling of fullness forced a belch from Cohen. He had not even begun to draw it out; the thing had crawled straight into his mouth on its own.
From mouth to stomach in one step.
“So this is what it looks like when someone tries to slide beneath a tiger,” Cohen remarked with a regretful click of his tongue.
He opened the system panel and saw the enhancement granted by the Horcrux.
[Cohen Norton]
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[Race: Dementor/Human/?/?/?]
[Soul Integrity: 22%]
[Special Abilities Unlocked: Spirit Shaping (1/10), Emotion Absorption (1/10)]
[Soul Strength: 22]
[Current Benevolence: 2,000]
[Current Sin: 711]
With two percent more soul integrity, he was already roughly on par with twenty adult Acromantulas. Voldemort really was plentiful and filling.
But there was another thing Cohen cared about.
Just now, after his benevolence had reached two thousand, two new features had appeared: the Benevolent Branch and the Inventory System.
Cohen had originally assumed that his system was nothing more than a simple shop. It seemed that was not the case.
The inventory system was remarkably convenient. When Cohen opened it, the data panel before him was replaced by a square screen divided into nine slots.
He tested it out. Each real-world object occupied one slot. Although every slot displayed the quantity of its item, objects could not be stacked. After all, no two leaves in the world were completely identical, and Cohen could not find two sheets of parchment that were exactly the same.
Objects created by the Duplication Charm consisted solely of magical energy and could not be stored inside.
Living creatures were forbidden as well. One of the rabbits he had rescued from Quirrell last time was still alive, and Cohen had originally intended to keep it as emergency food.
For the time being, Cohen decided to use the inventory as a place to store his wand. That way, he would not have to pull it from his pocket. The system’s inventory could make an item appear directly in his hand.
Next came the Benevolent Branch...
[Benevolent Branch (1/7)]
[1. Prevent Tom Riddle from obtaining the Philosopher’s Stone]
[Reward: 1,000 Benevolence, Cloak of the Death Chaser]
[Note: Subsequent benevolent missions will change according to your choices. Please pay attention to your position.]
Cohen had no idea what this cloak was, but it sounded extremely impressive.
What about the Evil Branch?
Cohen had a feeling that reaching two thousand points of sin would unlock the Evil Branch as well. Would its rewards be on roughly the same level as those of the benevolent branch?
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